Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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