i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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