I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
