yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
