woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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