ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
