woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
