I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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