I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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