that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
