I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
