let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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