I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
