Sponge bath it is.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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