I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
