im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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