Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
