yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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