Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
