my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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