He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
