Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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