You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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