Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
