Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
