I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
