It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
