No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
