got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
