Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
