Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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