When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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