I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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