Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
