Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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