Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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