Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
