Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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