i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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