eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
