Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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