Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
