Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
