I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
