your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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