grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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