Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
