Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mom said you looked used
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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