That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
