Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
