Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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