I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
