Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
